Book Review: The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure

The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure by Charlie Glickman, PhD and Aislinn Emirzian, Sex Educator

As a sex and kink awareness educator, teaching clients about anal pleasure has always been one of my favourite topics. So, I relished the idea of reading Charlie Glickman, PhD and Aislinn Emirzian, Sex Educator’s book The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure (published by Cleis Press).
From the very introduction, I was impressed with their very honest approach to the topic and how they felt they learned more after they started writing the book and requesting other people’s opinions.
Their “frequently asked questions” section felt familiar to me. It contained many of the same questions I receive when I give anal/prostate workshops. It covered all the basic queries a beginner might pose addressing questions for solo and partnered play. There is good linking back to topics previously discussed throughout the book. This doesn’t feel repetitive either. There are certain topics that must be repeated when you are new to this kind of play. The range of experience various people have felt is also well described and not sugar-coated. It’s not likely that every session will be magical and they make you feel that that’s okay. My favourite lines from the book about this were: “Instead of trying to make your play conform to your expectations, release the impulse to control and let each moment be what it is,” and “…sometimes it’s easier to get what we want when we let go of reaching for it.” This type of sentiment is good advice for all aspects of life but also useful when applied to any type of sexual activity.
This guide is very inclusive in nature. It offers information for the receiver and for their partner. Sections of the book also cover topics not usually included in mainstream sex guides on the topic such as: prostate play in transgendered women and people who are experiencing prostate health issues, including cancer.
At some points in the book, I felt that I was having a conversation with an older, more experienced friend or sibling who just knew more about a particular sex topic than I did. There are enough medical facts here to describe and explain why you might want to engage in or avoid certain behaviours but the guide doesn’t come across as bookish. I love that they describe techniques in terms of activities we are already familiar with such as “applying as much pressure as you would check the ripeness of a piece of fruit” or asking you to use a motion as “if to spread jam on toast”. This kind of language makes the tone of the book accessible to anyone. You feel like you already know how to do certain motions. You just need to apply them to a prostate. There are also loads of very practical lists of do’s and don’ts regarding preparing beforehand such as: how to shave, what kind of lube to buy and how to breathe during the act.
I was very impressed by the sections for technique about masturbation, arousal, perineum play and actual penetration. They were well-described and easy to follow for the beginner. They got into very detailed areas such as how finger length will affect technique for digital manipulation as well as offering numerous ways to massage a prostate. The illustrations for this were simple but effective at demonstrating technique.
I like that they address the emotional factors that may impact this type of play, as that is something that many of my clients have mentioned to me. They suggest alternative ways of viewing male anal penetration that decrease the stigma often associated with this type of play.
Certain types of sex play need more communication. Anal penetration with fingers, a fist, a penis, sex toy or via a strap-on device all need feedback if they are going to be done successfully. One of the concerns that have come up at my own workshops for beginners has been how to give your partner something if they don’t know what to ask for. Their “eye doctor strategy” mentioned on page 137 is a great solution.
Their chapter on sex toys for prostate play offers common sense advice about the pros and cons of various toys and exact instructions on how to make use of them. Every sex educator has heard a story about sex toys that got ahem “lost”. They address this very issue and also provide other valuable advice for troubleshooting any other medical problems that could potentially occur with this type of play.
I would feel confident recommending this book to anyone interested in exploring prostate and anal pleasure from an absolute beginner to an intermediate level player. Even if you have taken a course on this topic previously, The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure serves as a fantastic reminder for all the tidbits of information consumed in the course of a class.